About the (dys)functional poet:
Nathan Logan is the author of Arby’s Combo Roundup (MONDO BUMMER, forthcoming), Dick (PANGUR BAN PARTY, 2009), and Holly from Muncie (Spooky Girlfriend Press, 2008). He will be a Ph.D. candidate this fall at the University of North Texas.
It is free turkey leg weekend.
Buy a ticket to the movie,
get a free turkey leg. A good deal.
Look over there. Look over there. Look.
What are the odds that I’ll let turkey skin
hang in my beard like a kid’s mouth
that’s smeared with birthday cake?
50/50? In public? 70/30? I have been
waiting my entire life for this movie.
The only thing to do around here is masturbate. It’s a lot more fun than watching the paint dry and we’re not allowed to paint. The cameraman watches me shave each morning and it makes me nervous. I can’t eat when I’m being watched either, so it looks like I never eat. But I do. I feel like Irene, who was on the seventh season of The Real World. I don’t mean that I have Lyme disease. I mean I’m sick of drinking Nantucket Nectar. I want a glass of milk.
Hotties are Everywhere
Sometimes, you see pastramis
lined up on the beaches of Vancouver,
and you just want to run up
and take a bite out of them.
Other times, you stare at a cow
munching grass, and think,
If I had to take a meat out for dinner,
I’d take out a porterhouse. They seem nice.